love.

What a perfect day to talk about love.

Having spent the last 5 years living single, Valentine’s had generally become a holiday of dread to me. What I have come to realize this year is that such a feeling is completely unnecessary- and in fact not useful.

If I could sum up the difference between last year and now, it would be this: I learned to love myself.

We spend hours in the day as a society longing for the wrong kind of love. Love for family. Love for wealth. Love with a lifelong partner. Music and film have presented us since childhood with love. But as a romantic child always looking for the philosophy in things, I was always looking outside of myself for the answers. I never considered they existed in my own mind.

My childhood was spent absorbing. Learning about the relationships around me. Learning how I fit into them. After my first decade, I learned how I didn’t fit into all the relationships around me. Groups, cliques, friendships that lasted for or ended in a day. The flight of belonging and the desperation to grasp back on.

It wasn’t until my twenties that I was ready to date myself. I got to know who I was, tested the waters. I asked questions and tried on different hats (or careers or boyfriends). Heartbreak with men and women and family. I questioned my way through a neverending philosophy degree, then turned to personal development for the second half of this decade to learn the deeper side of what makes me ME.

But as I near the end of this era, I see that love is my next step. I have reached a point of acceptance for everything I am and all that I am not. It’s not second nature yet, but I am confident my thirties will help me get there.

This is what makes me see love and Valentine’s in a whole new light. Consumerism has convinced us that the holiday is about romance and sex. I see it now as a celebration of love. And love can come in any form, for any one. How we choose to experience our love on the one day devoted to it is exactly that- our choice.

I watched this video today, and I got it. These people were asked to focus on love- any kind, for any one- while in an MRI machine that evaluated their dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin levels. What caught my attention is how all of the contestants experienced an overwhelming sense of abundance after spending the time in that machine focussing only on love for a few minutes. 

I can't help but question; when was the last time you spent 5 minutes focussed on love in your life? Have you ever devoted time to thinking about loving you? If these people after 5 minutes of focussed thoughts on love could experience that high for other people and things, how would it affect your life to have those feelings of belief and acceptance for yourself?

However your Valentine’s turned out, ask yourself; what love did I neglect this year? What can I focus on differently? What do I take for granted? What am I grateful for? Take 5 minutes in your day to invest in love. Surely, it will repay you tenfold. 

Cleaning Out and Moving In

As I sit here and look at my life, I am amazed at how happy I am. My conception of ‘normal’ now is what most people would consider ‘overjoyed’. But it’s interesting what happens when you take the risky choices in life that have you doing what you want to do every day.

The level of development I have had over the last month is one completely new to me. All my life I let my perception of myself decide what I was capable of doing. Occasionally I would set a goal that was like throwing a hat over a wall and not knowing how to go get it- but the basic things in life always stayed the same to keep me feeling a sense of security.

So this year I did something different. I sat down with 3 friends I admire for their business savvy and personal strength, and hashed out my business with them. The business I hesitantly started because other people told me I was capable, even though I never believed it myself. Somehow having a support network of such amazing people became my sense of security- and all of the circumstances in my life were now free to play with and change. 

As if by magic, my life started to fall into place. In a way I never thought possible. And I realize every day that the only thing standing in my way this whole time was myself.

For 4 years I was in love. Like head-over-heels, couldn’t stop thinking about it kind of love. The lifestyle of this love was written all over my typed goals, and I accommodated all of my life’s plans around it. But what I came to realize this year is you can’t love something 30% and think it’s enough. When it comes to love, it’s all or nothing.

And so it’s no wonder I stayed single all these years- dabbling in the thought of a long-term relationship with some of the men I met, but never truly committing. I was in love with something else that left no room for life or men or personal goals. I was in love with my job.

I hear people talk about ending relationships for no real reason except that it’s not perfect, and I had experienced that to some extent with men, but never with a love like this one. Admitting that I didn’t want to be in the career I had worked toward for 4 years felt more like a breakup than anything I have ever felt before. And like so many downtown couples, I now am still living in the same space until I can find something more suited for me and move out.

But a funny thing happened as I started to let go of this big love in my life. An amazing man walked in. Like I always say, if you are still using old brain patterns, you can’t make new ones. Same goes for love, I guess. Our life is a space too small to fill up with the wrong things. Make a little room for the right ones, and they just show up. 

=sum(experience+context)

It might be true that sometimes the right thing floats into your life at the right moment. Just when you least expect it, as they say.

Today watching this Ted video was the perfect prescription for my day. Lately I have struggled with my compulsive behaviours. The binge that was December 2011 seemed to have set my frontal lobe on high-drive in January. And just like with every new year, lots of change is occurring. Change that I didn’t want to face. All change for the better, but occurring for me like it is for the worst. I needed something to kick me into appreciating transition fast so I could get back to roping in my emotional impulses.

We are the sum of our experiences. It’s an interesting distinction to look at ourselves not as someone who has experiences, but who is their experiences. So often we complain about our circumstances affecting us, but what if who we were was just a collaboration of our experiences? If I truly believed this every day, I would welcome each experience with acceptance and grace because that experience creates who I am.

Our brain is a powerful thing. So often we don’t give it the chance to reshape our lives in a moment. To catch the destructive thought pattern we are travelling down, and switch it. I see the power of this organ on days where I am so tired I could pass out on the subway- and then something happens that perks me right up again. The only difference there is experience. And the ability to create new contexts for life on the turn of a dime.

Stop-Change-Start is what I always say it’s like to alter brain patterns. Change your perspective, change your environment, change your context. Whatever you need to do to get started again; do it. Actions truly do speak louder than words. 

better late than never.

What I love about brain science is how it shows that it is possible to change ourselves (or our tendencies) at any age. What I love about New Years is that it helps us shape who we want to change into.

A year ago today I had recently experienced heartbreak, misdirection, and an uprooting of sorts. I knew it was time to change into who I want to be, and take different actions. Today I sit here having just written out my accomplishments and disasters this year, and I now hold a whole new perspective on life in general.

What I noticed in writing my year in review for 2011 was that the accomplishment list far outweighed my list of emotional car crashes. But what’s more is that things that occurred as disasters 6 months ago were now sitting on my trophy stand of learnings.

All of this made me think of an amazing little book I read a few years ago that taught me I can never see what path I’m on until the end of it, but I can sure choose the high road along the way.

So at the end of the road of 2011, I can see one thing very clearly. It hits me as I sit here cross-legged in my own apartment, dog to my left loving me unconditionally, two purring kittens happy in their new home, experiencing such love and happiness I have never felt before, and feeling a sense of satisfaction that only comes from accomplishing great challenges. To create a shift in life and make a big change, the most important thing is to imagine deeply and clearly what it is you truly want to create with life.

When I wrote the title for my last blog, I had no idea how true it would ring as I sat here today. It really all does start with a vision.

So my advice to you all is this. 2012 is the perfect chance to change your life into something you are proud of. Just as a friend asked me this week, I ask you; if the world really were to end in 2012, how would you choose to live your life now? Take pen to paper, finger to keyboard and write the answers to the questions below. Shape what you would want today to be if there were no limits. Visualizing the brain pattern through the mush is the most important step- and the one most easily forgotten.

Vision Exercise:

1)      What are your biggest accomplishments this year?

2)      What were your biggest failures this year?

3)      What can you learn in 2012 that will shift your failures to accomplishments?

4)      Write down 3-5 core values (ex: Love, honesty, fun, family, integrity, etc)

5)      Sit and create a true vision for each value. Ask yourself: What would life look like if this value were completely fulfilled? How would it feel? What would be different? What would be the same? How would others be around you? Write it all down.

6)      Write down 1-2 actions you can take this week toward making this vision a reality. Can’t come up with an action? Share your vision with a loved one and ask for help.

Thank you, world of 2011. For letting me find and express who I am and what I’m truly passionate about; and turning it into inspiration in the world around me. I feel truly blessed.

Namaste.

see saw.

My life (or life in general) has a certain yin-and-yang to it. A battle of left vs. right brain. It is the coercion of these two opposites that we call balance. Not a compromise which leaves both sides without what they want. Balance is where both are fulfilled and living in harmony. 

I call my two sides urban vs. hippie. Time away from writing usually means I’m in an urban mode of doing and I forget to sit back and gain perspective. Conversely, the hippie side means a whole lot of talk and no action. And lately it seems urban girl has been running the show.

Getting wrapped up in the holidays was something I swore wouldn’t happen to me this year. Problem is that I was too busy in November to set myself up for December properly. So now the pendulum has swung to the urban side and I am feeling out of touch with what I really desire to be as a person in this world. 

Today I was lucky to be gifted a space of deep reflection. While photographing a memorial yoga class, I tapped into a deeper level of perspective than I have felt in a few weeks. It was the perfect blend of urban hippie balance; working and yoga at the same time. I felt a pull on the reins mid-class, and all of the left brain patterns I had been riding changed course. It was the right time, doing the right work, in the right space to make me see.

I have worked so hard the last few months on creating new habits and formations in my brain which have delivered some pretty miraculous results. Starting my own business. Disappearing my debt. Feeling truly responsible and self-confident for the first time in my life. Then a good ol’ brain pattern jumped right in and took over like it owned the place; I started to feel like I didn’t deserve any of it.

But a really funny thing happens when you realize that these experiences are merely brain science. All of the judgements of which is right and which is wrong float away. Of all my learnings this year, that has to be the most enlightening realization of them all.

For most people, how the world occurs in the moment can feel chaotic. Emotional. Overwhelming to say the least. And we wouldn’t say that in hindsight everything is 20/20 if a little perspective weren’t healthy and delivering of lessons. Knowing that pain and emotion don’t actually exist in the body, but are merely a manifestation of the mind, our relationship with how something feels changes- the emotion no longer is the truth. The brain pattern is what's true. Knowing this makes it easier to turn things around. And a yoga class doesn’t help to activate the switch either...

Saturn strikes back.

Ok friends, forgive my diversion from science for one post and let me indulge the hippie side of me.

I learned a few things today. I learned about throat chakras, I learned about crystals, I learned about a little father planet called Saturn, and I learned of his impending return in our late twenties. 

According to astrology, age 29 brings what feels like the opportunity for a new phase of our lives. For the first time, the planets are aligned in exactly the same place as when we were born. This is called the Saturn Return; and it has been perceived in past cultures as a doomsday image that forces us to see how short life really is (so that we kick ourselves in the ass and start doing things for a change). Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so too... just a little like the tone of this entire blog. No surprise that my Saturn Return was in October 2011. 

We can't deny that we are connected to our surroundings; the oceans and water patterns are all affected by the alignment of the earth. Given that we are made up of 72% water, it’s reasonable to guess it might have an effect on us as humans.

There is no science to predict why we connect to the things we do; in nature, in other people, in art. Perhaps it is based on brain patterns we have already developed that tells us what is beautiful or desirable. Or maybe it is the connection of living things through the energetic force of life. Whichever you choose to believe, it happens. And for the record, I am a little bit of column A, and a little bit of column B.

But isn’t that what it is all about? If we believe something, then we are capable of seeing things in a whole new perspective. We filter out things not in line with our thought system and selectively remember those that are. This is the power that has us continue toward a goal, regardless of whether that goal is based in love, religion, spirituality, or science.

I have noticed this week just how much I cater how I act to please others around me. At times I will drop even what I know to be right, just to appease the minds of others and look good. This traces back to childhood, and at this point has become a nuisance I am desperate to rid myself of.  

What is obvious now is that knowing why doesn’t matter. My obsession with understanding things often holds me back from doing anything about them. And if this blog has taught me anything, it’s that actions create new brain patterns- not understanding. I can understand how a car works to no end, but until I actually put my foot to the pedal I cannot actually learn to drive.

So knowing this, why should it matter what gets you to action? Regardless, we learn to act- and our actions keep our brains alive, keep us learning.

It’s taken this long for me to discover the things I love. And one of those loves is for all things wholi granoli. What I need to learn now is how to be self expressed in this area in a way that speaks to me and inspires others, yet also satisfies the cynic in me.

So here’s how I will see it. Actions are the impact we have on the world, and I intend to act consistent with what I want to create in this world. My integrity is number one. As for what inspires me and motivates me? Well, that’s the warm fuzzy stuff. The crystals, the chakras, the energy. That is the faith that keeps my integrity going.

Eat that, Saturn.

food for thought.

This research has had me questioning things I haven’t considered for some years. The mind/body connection is one that I discussed to no end in university, and I find myself tempted to blow the dust off some of my old books and see how those old theories apply to my life and perspective now.

I regard my personal development as a ‘mind’ path; meaning the changes I make are in thought, as opposed to changes that take place in the material world. But how connected is my mind to my body? I know that with hip opening postures in yoga, emotions arise that I couldn’t generate with thought alone. And the way that I eat also has a huge affect on how I feel and react. Eat more nutritious foods and life becomes easier. Eat a bag of chips and you feel like a sack of shit. Yet so many of us act like this isn’t the case, even though we suspect it is.

Happiness has been a topic on my mind this week. I saw a documentary that over 5 years examined our need in North America to be happy, and asked whether the resources we often use to gain happiness have any affect at all. Turns out (surprise, surprise), winning the lottery and shopping does not grant us long-term happiness. And even more, people who have been through traumatic events have a greater chance of being happy than those who have had it pretty good. Why? Well because we develop brain patterns of recovery through such experiences so that in the future, even the smallest of hiccups are easily overcome.

So why do we as a species indulge in patterns of behaviour which have the opposite effect from what we want? According to Daniel Gilbert, it’s because our recent generations have developed a part of our brain we never had before. The pre-frontal cortex (located in the reward-system part of the brain called the frontal lobe) allows us to predict how we think things will turn out. And no one in their right mind would predict that a car accident would lead you to be happier than hitting the jackpot in Vegas.

I started this project of re-training my brain in an effort to connect my actions to long-term consequences. It seems this pre-frontal cortex was what caused my problems to begin with. I would visualize scenarios and choose the one I felt like doing more. It led to a fun life, but not a very productive one.

 In researching and training my brain these last few months, I have discovered some dramatic changes in myself already. When I ordered my coffee at the little neighbourhood cafe today, I contemplated whether eating the scone I wanted so badly would be worth the stomach ache and brain fog it would inevitably cause later on in the day. Once I caught myself in this thought pattern, it occurred to me how quickly I have developed. And I have noticed this growth even more on the weeks where I eat the foods that are right for me.

One particular superfood I have been eating has made a huge impact on my cravings. Initially I expected these cravings to be food-related, but the biggest difference I notice now is my lack of craving to shop. That’s right, the ultimate female indulgence... gone. I have even tested myself by going into my favourite stores to see if I am tempted to buy things that months ago I wanted so badly. But a strange thing has happened; I no longer want more than what I have. I feel fulfilled and excited by the things I already own, instead of the previously felt desire to consume more.

Could it be that this superfood gives my body the nutrients it needs so much that my cravings are unnecessary? Are we so malnourished as a nation that we crave things beyond even basic nutrition? Perhaps our pre-frontal cortex developed as a reaction to processed and chemically-treated foods that are rampant across North America and actually feed us very little. It seems logical that if a body is not receiving all of the nutrients it needs, it would constantly be in a form of craving, thus activating this ‘what if’ machine in our brains. Could it really be that empty foods create consumers?

By this thought pattern, we consume because we are hungry, and we make better decisions when we are not. A trip to the grocery store at dinnertime could have told me that- but I never would have thought it stretched into my never ending wardrobe.

Of course, we all develop differently and will crave different things through this process. For some, it’s sex. For others, it’s food. This whole consumption-hunger problem could be the one simple idea that solves so much for so many. Feed your brain the right foods and you could potentially cut your problems in half.

I guess I have some gratitude and love to send my nutritionist’s way... and some smart shopping to do.